Mornings are rough enough for me. Mornings during allergy season are horrible. Its a wonder I make it out of bed at all.
Of course some seasons are better than others. Sometimes I’m graced with very little allergies and other times, like this one, I am plagued with none stop allergies.
My inner ears itch so bad I want to stick a sharp pointy object down my ear canals and wiggle it around. My eyes become itchy and irritated and I want to claw them out. My nose is on continuous drip and i feel like pluggin both nostrels with wads of kleenex.
It wakes me up in the morning and often, regardless of whether I’ve taken allergy medication or not, I end up with a nasty headache. Thank goodness this only happens twice a year and thank goodness not every season is this bad. Oh the joys of allergy season.
Loki wakes me up every morning at 6:30 am. “Mommy,” he meows, “its time to get up.”
“Its only 6:30, sweetie. Its not time yet,” I always reply. So he makes a ruckus and I kick him out of the room. At 6:50 the alarm goes off. I moan and groan, and drag myself out of bed. I am not a morning person.
Loki follows me into the bathroom (this used to be Thor’s job but Loki took over one day) while Thor waits outside patiently. When Loki’s ready for me to be done he stares at the door. I let him out and finish getting ready. They wait outside the door, sometimes patiently, sometimes not. As soon as the bathroom door opens they bolt down the stairs to the kitchen. I follow, slowly, often groping the edge of the stairs with my feet so I don’t accidentally trip and fall. Its normally dark and I’m rarely awake enough. I feed them breakfast. I trudge back up the stairs to finish getting ready, wondering why I got up in the first place. And so goes the routine every week day. On the weekends, I feed them breakfast, make a tea and trudge into the living room, wondering why I’m awake so bloody early.
What I would really love to do is to get up at 6:30, do some yoga in the backyard and enjoy a steamy mug of Red Rose tea before I start my day. What I really want is to enjoy the morning air in my backyard every morning. What I really want is to get out of this funk I’ve falen in; to become a morning person. What I really want is to be connected again, to myself, to nature and to my spirituality every morning when I wake up.
I love walking down to the river on my lunch breaks in the summer. There’s a dirt path that weaves along side it. The trees shade the path quite nicely while leaving a lovely view of the river. The ducks play along the edge in among the reeds and lily pads. And despite the noise of the nearby traffic, it is quite calming.
Walking down the paths along the river brings back memories of the cottage my great grandparents and grandparents used to own. It brings me peace on my lunch breaks.
I can’t live without internet. Well I could live, but I would be extremely bored. There wouldn’t be enough books in the world to keep me entertained. Of course I would be outside more, enjoying mother nature and maybe even socializing more.
We were up at my inlaws’ trailer this past weekend. There were several times when I thought, “Oh, I should google that,” and then realized I couldn’t because my tablet didn’t have an internet connection. Those instances really make me think of how dependent I am on internet and how dependent our society has become on technology.
In the summer of 2003, parts of Ontario, Quebec and New York had a massive black out. After the blackout came the brown outs, days where power was cut to specific areas to conserve power and prevent another blackout. It was a hot summer and the extra strain on the hydro system was just too much. My husband, a friend of ours and I sat in our nice cool basement and socialized. My laptop at the time had a two hour battery life so we watched a movie. When the battery died we chatted and then decided to write a script. We wandered outside at one point and enjoyed the peace and quiet that came with the lack of power. No noisy powerlines, and no music blaring from houses. The streets in our neighbourhood were abandoned. And you could see the stars. No light pollution… just some clouds and some stars.
I have good memories from that time. But if it were to happen tomorrow, I think my experience would be quite different, and not in a good way.
I enjoy being at work. I enjoy the camaraderie and the change in scenery. I enjoy packing up at the end of the day, grabbing my laptop and my lunchbox and heading out. I enjoy walking down the street towards the bus stop, purse on my shoulder, laptop in hand and feeling as though I own the world and that I am important. I feel quite grown up.
But I yearn for the days when I can work from home, make my own hours and avoid the commute to work. When I can be my own boss. I can picture my office, big windows with light sheer curtains framing a beautiful green yard and luscious colourful garden. The office would be a spacious and bright place with a comfy office chair, a nice desk and a wicked powerful but light laptop. Sometimes, I would wander out to the local Starbucks, laptop in hand and sit at the coffee shop for a few hours. I would sip on a chai or green tea latte while working on my latest film script or editing a document for a client.
I’d have a few nice suits for the days when I’d go meet clients at their offices. And I’d have my driver’s license.
I aim to make this dream a reality. Down the road and in a few years this dream will be my life. Why wait so long? Stability and the need to make changes in other areas first in order to make the journey. I am only realizing my potential now and I have to get my hand sorted. One step at a time. One day at a time.
Slow and steady wins the race.
My husband is convinced that one day he is going to find me crocheted in a cocoon of yarn in my office. I laughed the day he told me but I couldn’t deny it. At the time I couldn’t crochet enough. I whipped through projects like nothing else existed. When I was hit with insomnia I would sit in my office and crochet until I knew I would be able to sleep. It was a major stress reliever in my life. I could crochet, spend time with my husband and get caught up on my TV shows. But it got to be too much. I over committed myself and nearly burned myself out. My hands felt gnarled and ancient.
I finished all but one project I was working and stopped. I made a promise to myself to pace my projects. This wasn’t a once in a lifetime deal. The yarn would always be there for me to shape into an item with my crochet hooks or my knitting needles.
So now, I am planning my projects for the last part of the year. All to be done for Christmas and only for a few people. I will plan my major projects for each year and do little ones in between. There are so many awesome patterns out there and things I want to make as gifts for others, and for myself. But there will always be great patterns to crochet into amazing gifts.
A little while ago, I was quite upset with something that happened at work; or rather with something that didn’t happen at work. I enjoy what I do but there are times when the stress is too much. I was at work and my husband decided to text me. He told me to look up a video by Pharrell Williams for Despicable Me 2 which was scheduled to come out in movie theatres shortly after.
So needing a short distraction from work I went to youtube and searched the song. I watched it several times, trying to stifle my laughter so as not to disturb my colleagues, and bouncing around in my chair. Since that moment it has become my happy song. Whenever I am feeling down, unhappy or unmotivated, I play the video and dance along with it. It often gets played several times in a row. It perks me up and I often find I am able to concentrate again on whatever I was doing.
I love music for this reason. It speaks to my soul and lifts my spirits. Music makes me happy.